I Won't Let Go
by ROCkER.JACkSON
Summary: Carly finally gets to Jason and gives him the worst possible news. His wife has lied to him to his face. Anger sets in and he runs. He runs as fast as he can and finds himself in the arms of the one he pushed away. Can she save him from the darkness?
1. Chapter 1

_It's like a storm_  
><em>That cuts a path<em>  
><em>It breaks your will<em>  
><em>It feels like that<em>

Ever since he's woken up, no one will give him a straight answer about anything. Patrick has been the most professional he has ever seen the doctor and that told him that something was definitely off. What's even more interesting is that Carly hasn't been in to see him. If that didn't tell him something was up, Sam's expression ever time she looks at him did. Between Sam and Monica, Patrick included, he knew that something was going on and it was something big.

He's laying alone for the first time all day and he felt like breaking out of that hospital already. It was just as he was about to rip every monitor off him that the door opened and a nurse walked in. That's what he thought until she ripped the face mask off her face. Sure, she was a nurse way back in the day, but not now.

"Carly?" Jason eyes her intently. "What's with the disguise?"

"Sam has banded me from seeing you." Carly says quickly, glancing out the small window, seeing Sam at the nurses' station. "I don't have much time and I have a lot to tell you."

"What's going on?" Jason sits up slightly. "Why did Sam ban you?"

"She didn't want me to tell you." Carly sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "God, Jason, I hate that I have to be the one to tell you."

"Tell me what?" Jason can feel the fear creep into him. "Spit it out!"

"Its Robin." Carly walks over to him, placing her hand in his. "Jason...she's dead."

"Wh-what?" Jason stares into her eyes, searching it for the truth. "N-No. It can't be true...no!"

_You think you're lost_  
><em>But you're not lost on your own<em>  
><em>you're not alone<em>

"There was an accident in the lab." Carly says carefully. "There was an explosion...Robin was inside and she didn't make it. She's gone, Jase."

"No!" Jason states through gritted teeth, tears filling his eyes and falling hard. "No! She can't be dead...she can't be!"

"Shh." Carly pulls him into her arms. "She's gone Jason."

"I-I..." Jason clings to Carly. "This can't be happening...she can't be gone."

"I'm so sorry." Carly strokes his hair soothingly. "I hate telling you, but I thought you should know."

Jason pushes her away carefully, staring at her with anger in his eyes. "When?" Jason manages to get out. "When did she die?"

"The twenty-first." Carly concedes. "Sam didn't want you to know."

A cold, intense, anger settled into him. The twenty-first. That's before the surgery. That meant that Sam lied to him. She lied straight to his face, making him believe that Robin was at home with Emma. Oh god! Emma...she'll never see her mother again. Jason ripped the wires from his body, not caring about anything in that moment. Carly didn't bother trying to stop him, she knew that this would hit him hard and she was ready for this.

_I will stand by you_  
><em>I will help you through<em>  
><em>When you've done all you can do<em>  
><em>If you can't cope<em>  
><em>I will dry your eyes<em>  
><em>I will fight your fight<em>  
><em>I will hold you tight<em>  
><em>And I won't let go<em>

Jason's mind went to everything that has happened since the twenty-first. Patrick's attitude, his words, everything was starting to make sense. Everything was starting to fall into place and he couldn't believe that Patrick saved his life after losing his wife. It didn't take a rocket scientist to put together that he was the reason Robin was in the lab. It was too obvious. Why else would Robin risk her life?

_"She's gone." Patrick's eyes confusing Jason, there was so much pain in them._

_"Gone?" Jason eyed him confused. "Wh-What do you mean?"_

_"She was working twenty-four seven to find a..."_

_"Robin went home to get some rest." Sam cut him off, confusing Jason even further._

_"She should have been home spending time with Emma." Patrick states in a stern tone. "But she felt a responsibility towards you."_

_"She's been a good friend to me." Jason couldn't understand what was going on._

_"I hope you appreciate everything she's given up for you."_

Jason didn't understand what that truly meant until that moment. Carly stood there, staring at him as Jason's anger reached a new level. How could Sam do that to Patrick? How could she put him through that kind of pain? Jason couldn't understand how Sam could just straight up lie to him about something so important. Something so life changing. Robin's a huge part of his life. She was a huge part of his life and now she's just gone. His last words on the message he left for her started to play in his mind.

"I guess I'll see you on the other side." Jason whispers, his heart breaking. "Now it holds a different meaning."

"Carly?" Sam exclaimed as she walked into the room, turning to look at Jason. "Oh god, she told you didn't she?"

"Why didn't you?" Jason counters, staring at her sternly. "You lied to me. You looked me in my face and you lied!"

"Jason, please, you have to lay down." Sam tries to touch him, but he moves away from her. "Carly, what the hell is your problem?"

"He deserved to know." Carly states, not apologizing for telling her best friend about his loss. "You had no right keeping it from him."

"I-I had no right?" Sam glared at her. "You had no right! He's sick Carly! Don't you see that?"

"He deserved to know." Carly repeats herself. "Unlike you, I tell him what he needs to know. I may be a liar, but I've never lied to Jason when it truly matters. Unlike you."

"Look at him!" Sam turns to gesture to Jason, but finds that he's gone. "Jason?"

"Well, my job here's done." Carly takes off the scrubs. "Goodbye."

_It hurts my heart_  
><em>To see you cry<em>  
><em>I know it's dark<em>  
><em>This part of life<em>  
><em>Oh it finds us all<em>  
><em>And we're too small<em>  
><em>To stop the rain<em>  
><em>Oh but when it rains<em>

Jason catches a cab to the penthouse, changing into his clothes before taking his SUV and driving out to the bridge. It wasn't the same as it was before, but it still held meaning. Standing in the center of the bridge, Jason tried to breathe through the pain. Memories of Robin starting to flood his mind as his tears fell hard. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be real. How could someone as perfect and beautiful as Robin just be gone? It wasn't fair. First Emily and then the innocent Georgie, his son, now Robin. All taken before their time and he just couldn't wrap his head around it.

She finally had everything she ever wanted. She was a wife and a mother. Both things she never thought she could have and then it was just there. All the memories from the past start flooding his mind and before he can stop himself, Jason screams. He screams and keeps screaming, he can't stop the screams from falling out of him. All the pain and the anger flooding through him, the screams getting louder and louder as the tears fell harder and harder.

"Jason?" a soft voice calls to him, causing him to turn and look at who joined him. "Oh, Jason."

He doesn't speak, its too hard to do that. He just stands there as she walks over to him and wraps her arms around him. She squeezes him tight, letting it sink in that she was really there. Jason instinctively wraps his arms around her too. He holds her close as his heart aches over the loss of Robin. This couldn't be his reality. This couldn't be his life. She holds him close as he cries, the screams no longer escaping his lips, but his body vibrates due to his cries.

"I'm here." she whispers. "Its just me. You can let it out. I'm not going anywhere."

"Elizabeth." he whispers, burying his face in her hair.

"I'm here." she assures, pulling away to stare into his eyes. "I know it hurts."

"She's gone." Jason states, staring into her eyes. "She's just gone."

"I know." Elizabeth smiles sadly. "You shouldn't be here, Jason."

"No hospitals." Jason shakes his head. "I won't go back there."

"Let me help you." Elizabeth takes his hand. "Do you trust me?"

"Yes." Jason says without hesitation.

"Come on." Elizabeth guides him to the passenger side of his SUV, helping him in before getting into the driver's seat and starting up the car.

_I will stand by you_  
><em>I will help you through<em>  
><em>When you've done all you can do<em>  
><em>And you can't cope<em>  
><em>I will dry your eyes<em>  
><em>I will fight your fight<em>  
><em>I will hold you tight<em>

Elizabeth didn't know what made her go to the bridge. She had been thinking about Robin and she knew that her friend went there a lot. In a way, Elizabeth felt like maybe she could feel her presence there. She didn't know how to deal with Anna's request. Could she really help plan her friend's memorial? Emily's and her son's memorials had been torturous to her. Can she really help plan Robin's and then sit through it? Whatever made her go to the bridge, Elizabeth was just thankful she did. Like the boxcar all those years ago, she's found him and she won't leave him there.

She drives them to her house, letting him in and thankful that Cameron's in school and Aiden's at daycare. Jason walks in without a word spoken, making his way to sit on her couch. More memories coming to mind, but not memories of Robin. No. These memories are worse. These memories are of him and Elizabeth. Of his son. Of the family that he wasn't allowed to have. That he could never have even if he wanted it. Then she comes into view and the memories dull. Remembering that they were still friends. That no matter what happens, they always had that.

"You look tired." Elizabeth comments, taking his jacket from him. "Maybe you should rest."

"No." Jason shakes his head. "I can't."

"Okay." Elizabeth sits down beside him. "Will you at least try if I stay with you?"

Jason looks at her intently before shrugging his shoulders. Laying down lengthwise on the couch, Jason rests his head on her lap, allowing her to drape the afghan over him before gently running her fingers through his hair. He hated this. He hated that Robin is dead and he's left to live on without her. Why did she have to sacrifice for him? He never would have let her work so hard to save him if he knew the price that would be paid. If he had to choose, he'd rather she lived and he died. Lord knows he deserved it.

_And I won't let you fall_  
><em>Don't be afraid to fall<em>  
><em>I'm right here to catch you<em>  
><em>I won't let you down<em>  
><em>It won't get you down<em>  
><em>you're gonna make it<em>  
><em>Yeah I know you can make it<em>

"Just rest." Elizabeth whispers, watching as his eyes slowly close. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."

"You shouldn't be." Jason counters, nestling against her lap, hooking his arm under her leg. "But you are."

"I won't say that her death wasn't your fault, even though it wasn't, because I know you won't believe me." Elizabeth sighs, slowly running her fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. "But I'm going to help you through this. I promise you that...you'll make it past this."

"I don't want to." Jason mutters, sleep slowly taking him over. "I shouldn't be able to."

"Shh, its okay." Elizabeth takes a deep breath. "Just rest. We'll talk more later."

_Cause I will stand by you_  
><em>I will help you through<em>  
><em>When you've done all you can do<em>  
><em>And you can't cope<em>  
><em>And I will dry your eyes<em>  
><em>I will fight your fight<em>  
><em>I will hold you tight<em>  
><em>And I won't let go<em>  
><em>Oh I'm gonna hold you<em>  
><em>And I won't let go<em>  
><em>Won't let you go<em>  
><em>No I won't<em>

"I'm going to help you through this." Elizabeth whispers, watching him as he sleeps. "For Emily, for Robin and for our son...I'm going to help you through this. I promise you that."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please Review. Let me know what you think about it. Don't be afraid to be blunt.**

**I'm going to do one more new story and then I'll be adding chapters to all four soon enough. Thanks! I hope you enjoy!**

**(p.s. No JaSam baby. Just can't picture her having his kid.)**

**-ROCkER**


	2. Chapter 2

She's asleep in her room when she hears him tossing and turning on the coach downstairs. As tired as she is, Elizabeth pulls on her robe and makes her way downstairs, turning on the lamp on the side table next to the couch. She was glad that her grams insisted on having both of the boys at her house last night.

He's sweating, from the look on his face he's having a nightmare and it would only take one guess on who stars in it. With a sigh, she gets a wash rag from the small drawer, being a mother of messy boys it was always smart to keep them handy.

Picking up his head, she positions herself in the spot she had been when he first got to her house, wiping off the sweat that has trailed its way from his forehead to his cheeks. Not knowing what else to do, she starts humming the song that she hums whenever one of her boys are having a bad dream. It usually helped them, so she figured it was worth a shot. Running her fingers through his hair, she watches as he starts to relax again.

The curves on his forehead smooths out, his breathing returning to normal, and she finds herself smiling slightly. She couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of torment he was inflicting upon himself because of everything that has happened.

It had been clear on his face, every time she saw him, that he still carried the guilt of their son's death with him. Knowing him the way she did, she knows that he still carried the guilt of his sister's death, now adding the death of his first love and he had to be dying inside.

He wakes up a couple hours later, finding her with her head hanging back as she's fast asleep, her fingers still entangled in his hair. Something aches inside of him, realizing that yet another person he cared about is sacrificing for him. She gave up her comfortable bed to sit there with him, helping rid him of his nightmares and falling asleep in the most uncomfortable of positions just to watch over him.

"Jason?" she rubs her eyes, feeling his weight gone from her lap and finding him shrugging into his jacket. "Leaving without saying goodbye?"

"You were sleeping." Jason knows its a pathetic excuse, but its the only one he had. "I didn't want to bother you."

"You're usually a better liar than that." Elizabeth says, stretching the fatigue out of her body before eyeing him intently. "What's really going on?"

"This isn't right." Jason sighs, walking over to sit on the couch with her insistence. "Not to mention its unfair to you."

"You don't get to decide what's fair to me." Elizabeth counters, realizing exactly what's going on with him. "It was my decision to come down here last night and stay with you. You don't get to feel guilty for it."

"Just like it was Robin's decision to sacrifice herself for me." Jason looks at her with pain in his eyes. "Just like it was Sam's choice to lie to me and Carly's choice to tell me the truth."

"Don't compare me to them." Elizabeth says seriously. "I'm not them."

"I didn't mean it like that." Jason shakes his head. "I'm just tired of people sacrificing for me. I deserve everything I'm going through right now."

"If you expect me to say that you deserve to die, you can just forget it." Elizabeth states, standing up at glaring at him. "I never wanted to lose Robin, but I sure as hell never want to lose you!"

"Elizabeth..."

"I'm sorry that you're hurting, but I'm hurting, too." Elizabeth says firmly. "I just lost another one of my best friends and the last thing I want is to watch you wish you were the one that died."

"I'm sorry." Jason takes a deep breath before wrapping his arms around her. "I'm sorry. I just hate that she's gone."

"I know." Elizabeth sighs, closing her eyes for a moment. "I hate it, too."

As wrong as it was, he held her close, accepting that she wouldn't let him push her away no matter what he said or did. After a long moment, Elizabeth pulls away and looks at him intently, she didn't mean to snap at him, but she didn't have any patience to hear him regretting being alive. At this point in her life, the last thing she wanted to think about was someone else she cares about dying.

"I'm going to drop off Cameron at school before I drop Aiden in daycare." Elizabeth says softly. "Should I expect you to be gone when I get back or will you still be here?"

"I'll be here." Jason says, in spite of all the thoughts running through his head.

"Okay." Elizabeth smiles slightly. "I'll bring back breakfast for you."

Jason watches her shrug out of her robe and into her coat before she grabs her keys and walks out of the house. Once the door closes behind her, he slumps down onto the couch. He just didn't have the strength to do anything else. So many memories crashing over him that all he could do was sit there and allow them to swallow him whole. He didn't know how he'd ever be able to move past this or if he even deserved to.

"I'm fine, gram." Elizabeth says as she straps Aiden into his carseat. "I'll bring them back when Cameron gets out of school."

"I really appreciate you letting me spend so much time with them." Audrey says, smiling when Elizabeth closes the door and turns to look at her. "I just love those boys so much."

"They love you, too, Gram." Elizabeth assures her. "You can spend as much time with them as you want."

"I'll keep that in mind." Audrey hugs her before taking a step back. "Drive safely. I love you!"

"I love you, too, Gram." Elizabeth says lovingly before getting into her car and taking off, not at all wanting to explain the situation with Jason to her. She was sure to misread it and misunderstand.

During the drive to his school, Cameron tells Elizabeth about his night with his great-grandmother. She loves that he's enjoying spending time with Audrey, hoping it'll help him with his longing of Lucky. They didn't have that much family in town so having him spend time with his great-grandmother was a great thing to rely on.

"Thank you." Elizabeth says, taking the order from the waitress. "How much will that be?"

"Twelve-fifty." the waitress reads off the register.

"Great, here you go." Elizabeth hands her a twenty, accepting her change when its held out to her. "Have a nice day."

"You too." the waitress replies with a smile.

"I'm sorry." Elizabeth apologises, looking up and feeling bad when she sees Sam. "Sam."

"Enough for two?" Sam guesses after glancing at the bag in her hands. "Should have known he'd go running to you."

"He didn't go running to me." Elizabeth defends both her and Jason. "Not that you actually care about the truth."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Sam snaps, prompting Elizabeth to stop walking away and look at her again. "More importantly, who the hell are you to judge anything I do?"

"I'm not judging anything." Elizabeth says plainly. "I'm merely pointing out fact."

"Not that its any of your business, but he wasn't strong enough to know the truth!"

"Didn't mean you had to lie." Elizabeth counters. "There were so many ways around not telling him. You chose to lie. That's on you."

"What the hell would you have done?" Sam challenges. "Lying was the only way to stop the questions."

"No. Lying was the only way you knew how to handle him." Elizabeth corrects. "You say you know him better than anyone, but you really don't if you think he'd accept someone lying to him."

"Like you did?" Sam counters. "If I recall correctly, you lied to him about his own son!"

"The same son you watched get kidnapped!" Elizabeth counters, getting in her face. "The same son that I will bitch slap you for if you dare say another thing about him."

"He married me, Elizabeth." Sam says, knowing she pushed things too far bringing up Jake, but not sorry for it. "Don't get in between us."

"If he leaves you, Sam, it will have nothing to do with me." Elizabeth says plainly. "It will be one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt, your fault and then you'll have to live with that."

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews!**

**Let me know what you think about the update. Don't be afraid to be blunt.**

****-ROCkER****


	3. Chapter 3

She's tired. Simply put and to the point, Elizabeth is tired. Tired of hurting. Tired of crying. Tired of losing people she loves. Wrapping everything she feels into one word would normally be hard, but now its not. Tired. Plain, simple, and extremely true.

Tossing the last of the pictures into the box, she slumped back against her couch, finally done with scanning photos into her computer for Robin's memorial slideshow. It was literally eating her up inside, having to put this together, seeing all the memories that would not continue on into the future. No more random girls' night out, no more stress relieving conversations in the locker room, no more Robin. Period.

"Having a hard time?" a voice asks her, prompting her to put on her look of strength and sit up.

"Kind of, but I'm fine." Elizabeth says, securing the cover on the box before closing her laptop. "How're you doing, Matt?"

"Hasn't really sunk in for me." Matt admits, sitting down beside her on the couch. "My brother here?"

"He's putting Emma to bed." Elizabeth concedes, standing up to put away the box of albums. "I just finished loading the pictures into my laptop. I'm putting the slideshow together at my house."

"I have no idea what I'm supposed to do." Matt's voice is filled with dejection. "I want to be a good brother, but...I don't know what to do to help him."

"Sometimes just being here is all you can do." Elizabeth tries to be reassuring. "Don't over think it. Just be there for them."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Loading her laptop into its carrying bag, Elizabeth slides her arms into her coat before slinging the strap over her shoulder. She wanted to be there for them as much as she possibly could, but she could only handle so much.

"So...how're things going with you and Dr. Keenan?" Matt asks, emphasizing the doctor's name with slight - if not complete - disdain.

"Things are fine with me and Ewen." Elizabeth says, looking at him intently. "Would you let Patrick know I went home and that I'll call him later?"

"Elizabeth..."

"I'm not doing this with you right now, okay?" Elizabeth pulls open the door before looking back at him. "Focus on your brother and your niece. They're the ones that need you."

"Like Jason needs you?" Matt counters, noting the look of shock in her eyes. "His wife unloaded her problems on Monica rather publicly."

"Pick one and stick with it, Matt." Elizabeth's hand grips the doorknob tightly in an attempt to remain calm. "Who am I shacking up with? Ewen or Jason?"

"That's not what I meant." Matt walks over to her. "I'm just concerned..."

"Well don't be." Elizabeth cuts him off. "Give Patrick my message and I will see you later. Preferably not as inquisitive about my personal life."

"Neither of them are good for you." Matt say seriously. "I know that this might be completely out of line, but you barely know Dr. Keenan and Jason is all kinds of dangerous."

"If there's a risk by having them in my life, its my risk to take." Elizabeth says firmly. "Ewen understands me and I can talk to him. As for Jason...if I do get hurt, I'm not saying he'll hurt me, but if I get hurt I'll accept it because it was my choice to let him back into my life."

Leaving quickly, she closes the door before Matt could ask another invasive question or apologize for overstepping his bounds. She just wasn't in the mood to deal with his back and forth, maybe I like you, attitude right then. She had enough to deal with without adding Matt's feelings to it.

"Why do I even bother?" Sam shouts, throwing her hands up in the air. "I was in hell when I lied to you! I was living my own personal hell because I thought you were going to die! But that doesn't matter to you, does it? No! Why? Because you were lied to, big freaking whoop! I did it to protect you, whether you can understand that or not, and I'm not sorry!"

"I've been asking myself the same question." Jason's voice doesn't rise, he's too angry, too hurt...too tired. "Why did I bother coming home? Why did I bother thinking that maybe, just maybe we'd be able to get past it? Why did I bother to think that our marriage was worth saving when you don't even know me at all?"

"I don't know you?" Sam scoffs, glaring at him. "You don't know me! If you can't even begin to understand my state of mind while you were in the hospital then you don't know the first thing about me!"

"Don't turn this on me." Jason states, meeting her glare with one of his own. "Lying wasn't the only way, but its the only way you know! The very fact that you regret lying means you know you should have told me the truth! But once again, lying is all you have to give."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that when my son was kidnapped, you lied to everyone and held tightly to a truth that should have never been kept secret." Jason snatches his jacket from the desk to shove himself into. "I thought you learnt from that, that lying would never be the answer for you when it comes to us, but once again I was wrong."

"And once again its all my fault!" Sam grabs his arm, keeping him from walking out the door. "I make one mistake and you lose faith in me completely. Bringing up every bad thing, that you say you forgave me for, and thrust them all together to make me look like trash."

"I did forgive you." Jason states. "Doesn't mean I forgot."

"Right." Sam shakes her head, releasing her grip on him when he turns his body completely to look at her. "But you have forgotten everything Elizabeth has ever done to you, right? I mean, you run to her almost immediately after walking away from me."

"I didn't run to her. She found me, like she always does, and she helped me." Jason says, his voice softening slightly. "She forced me to see that I still had a life worth living...a marriage worth saving."

"Sainted Elizabeth." Sam scoffs, not caring anymore. "What about all the times she's hurt you? When she constantly chose Lucky over you. When you offered her the world and she turned you down flat, shattering your heart in the process. When she married Ric against all your warnings. Lord knows there's a million other times she's hurt you, but you never push her out of your life. You never hold her accountable the way you always hold me for what I've done."

"I won't even ask how you know all of that." Jason says, taking a deep breath. "But I will tell you why I keep Elizabeth in my life in spite of everything she has done."

"Oh, please, do tell." Sam says sarcastically. "I'd just love to hear this one."

"I keep her in my life because I trust her." Jason leans in, dropping his voice. "Because after fourteen years, she has proven time and time again that she'll always be there when it counts. She has never let me down when it truly matters, something I wish to god I could say about you because you are my wife."

"Something you regret, right?" Sam's tears fall like rain. "You regret marrying me because I'm not your sainted Elizabeth who can do no wrong. Your perfect angel that you will never see for what she truly is."

"I know exactly who she is." Jason says, shaking his head as he fights the tears from his eyes. "You, on the other hand, I'm just realizing how little I really know you..or maybe I did know the real you and I just fooled myself into seeing what I wanted to see. You can keep the penthouse, I'll have my stuff out of it by this time tomorrow."

"I wish to god I never met you." Sam drops to her knees. "All you I've ever done is love you and its never been enough."

"It was more than enough." Jason grabs his packed luggage, the one he usually keeps handy in case Sonny sends him out of town on a moments notice, before he turns his back on her. "Until the moment your love had you believing it gave you the power to control me life."

Picking up dinner at Kelly's for herself and adding Jason's order just in case, Elizabeth heads home. As much as she misses her boys, she just needed some time to herself and spending time with Audrey has been good for them as well.

Cameron has called her up numerous times, letting her know how much fun he was having. The light was starting to return to his voice and she was glad that someone was able to get through to him. Even if it wasn't her.

"Webber residence, Elizabeth speaking." she answers her house phone as she drops the food onto the table and shrugs out of her coat.

"Hi, its Ewen." the caller replies. "I hope I'm not catching you at an inopportune time."

"Not at all." Elizabeth assures. "I actually just got home so your timing is impeccable."

"I'm glad." his voice holding relief. "I was hoping to convince you to have lunch with me tomorrow if you're not too busy."

"Lunch sounds great." Elizabeth admits, walking over to toss her keys into the glass bowl on the shelf. "I'll be spending most of the day with Patrick and Emma, but I'm sure I can meet you for lunch."

"Its a date then." Ewen says softly. "Have a good night and I'll see you tomorrow."

"I look forward to it."

Ending the call, Elizabeth places the phone back on the charger before making her way to the kitchen to get a couple bottle of beers. Something told her that sooner or later there would be a knock on the door and she wouldn't be alone again tonight.

She had got as far as opening her container and picking up her fork when the knock came at the door. With a slight smile she walks over and pulls it open, not at all surprised to find Jason standing on the other side. What did surprise her was the familiar bag that he usually only took out when he was heading out of town.

"Leaving town?" Elizabeth gestures to the bag.

"No." Jason relieves her anxiety. "I left Sam."

"Oh." was all she could manage before stepping aside. "Are you hungry?"

"Kind of." Jason admits, walking past her into the house. "I haven't really thought about food at all today."

"I know." Elizabeth closes the door before standing beside him, answering the question in his eyes. "I had a feeling you'd be coming back."

"Thanks." Jason leans over and kisses her temple before sitting down at the table with her. "I'll look for a place tomorrow."

"You can stay as long as you want." Elizabeth assures. "I'm in no hurry."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Elizabeth says with conviction, handing him his beer. "I kind of like having you here. Your friendship helps me hurt a little less over Robin."

"Okay." Jason takes her hand in his. "Then I'll stay."

"Okay."

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews!**

**Let me know what you think about the update. Don't be afraid to be blunt.**

**-ROCkER**


	4. Chapter 4

Sitting on her recliner, Elizabeth watches as the minutes tick on by, morning bringing with it the impending memorial for her best friend. Having suffered through so much loss, she wonders why she hasn't grown used to it by now, but knowing that its a good sign. She'd probably be more worried about herself if she ever becomes unaffected by death.

Taking a sip of her tea, she tries to drudge up whatever courage she posses, enough to sit through Robin's memorial, enough to say goodbye to her best friend. She had told Anna that she'd speak at the memorial, something she knew would be torturous, but she knew she owed it to Robin. Of course, the simple thought of speaking in front of everyone made her sick to her stomach, much like it did at Emily's memorial.

"Liz?" Jason's voice prompts her to turn her gaze to the staircase. "You okay?"

"Ask me again tonight." Elizabeth replies softly, setting her cup down on the coffee table. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Hard time sleeping." he admits, walking over to sit on the couch. "I keep thinking about Robin's memorial. I'm not sure I should go."

"Don't do this." she says seriously, watching as confusion fills his eyes. "I know its painful, but you have to go. You need to go there, to say goodbye, and to allow yourself to move on."

"Its not fair to Patrick..."

"Today isn't about anyone else but Robin." Elizabeth counters. "She was your first love, Jason. You were a huge part of each other's lives. Not only do you owe to Robin to honor her memory and mourn her death, but you owe it to yourself, as well."

"I don't know if I'll be able to survive it..."

"Same here, but we can't let that stop us." Elizabeth insists, moving to sit beside him on the couch, taking his hand in hers. "We'll hold each other together, we'll be each other's rock today, okay? If you feel like you need to, I'll be right there to lean on. I promise you that."

"You're not going to make me back out of this, are you?"

"No, I'm not." Elizabeth says with conviction. "I know you...you'll regret not going. Just like you regret not going to Jake's memorial."

"How did you..."

"I know you." she says simply. "We can get through this, Jason. I know we can."

"Okay." he relents, knowing that she was right, she usually was. "I'll go."

For the next few hours, they simply sit together, silence falling over them, both contemplating what the day will bring for them. Neither really knowing how they'll handle going to Robin's memorial, but both know that they had to go. In spite of all the pain that would undoubtedly find its way into them, they know that they also had to honor the woman that she was. The woman that loved so deeply, cared so vastly, and cherished so many.

When the time comes to head to the memorial, Jason felt like a ton of weight rested upon his chest, knowing that his presence would not be accepted by too many of the people in attendance. Glancing over at Elizabeth, somehow he found the courage to do what had to be done, getting dressed and getting into his SUV with her.

Elizabeth drives them to the memorial, Jason being unable to process much of anything, much less drive them to the memorial in one piece. As they get closer to the church, Elizabeth can almost feel the tension falling off of Jason, making her realize just how badly he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

"Ready?" Elizabeth asks as they stand outside the church doors.

"No." he admits, taking a deep breath before looking at her. "Is anyone ever ready for something like this?"

"I guess not." she sighs, turning her gaze to the double doors. "We can't wait any longer, though. Its about to start."

Taking a simultaneous deep breath, the two link arms before walking through the double doors of the church, knowing that they needed the strength that only they could provide. All eyes turned to them, more than a few shocked faces watching them as they close the door behind them. Patrick's eyes found them, but he quickly turned away, not wanting to deal with Jason for even a second.

"Jason, can I talk to you for a second?" Carly questions, shocked to see them together there. "Please?"

"Not now." Jason says through gritted teeth, barely hanging on by a thread, not knowing if he'll stay for another second if he lets go of Elizabeth's hand. "Go back to your seat, Carly."

"Jase, come on." Carly pleads, glancing at Elizabeth before looking at him.

"I said no." he says sharply before turning away from her, guiding Elizabeth towards a pew, ignoring Carly's hurt expression.

Taking their seats, Jason grips Elizabeth's hand in his, tears frozen in his eyes as he looks up at the photograph of Robin, the slideshow playing just off to the side. All the happy memories that had ever been recorded, all the beautiful moments she had spent with her daughter, with her family and friends, all of it playing for loved ones to see.

It wasn't long before the ceremony began, the priest standing before them as he spoke of life and death, how easily one can be taken from the world. He talks of God's grace and how she was at peace. Halfway through the ceremony, the doors opened up, Steven walking in with Elizabeth's boys.

"Gram asked me to bring them." Steven explains when she looks at him in confusion. "She had an emergency at the hospital and she thought you could use them."

"Thank you." Elizabeth whispers before taking Aiden into her arms, making room for Cameron to sit down between Jason and her. "Are you staying?"

"No, I have to get back to the hospital." Steven explains, glancing over at Jason before looking at her. "I'm here if you need to talk, okay?"

"I know." she assures as he leans over and kisses her forehead. "I love you, Steven."

"I love you, too, baby sister." Steven assures before leaving the way he came, unsure of how he felt about his sister falling back into Jason Morgan's life.

When the time came for Elizabeth to rise to her feet and make her way to the front for her eulogy, Jason is tasked with holding Aiden in his arms, the baby boy unknowingly becoming the one thing that's holding Jason together as she speaks of her best friend and his first love. When she returns to her seat, Aiden remains in Jason's arms as Elizabeth lifts Cameron on her lap, the two joining hands as the ceremony comes to an end.

At the end of the ceremony as family and friends gather together before they leave, Jason walks to the front with Elizabeth and her boys, still carrying Aiden, he releases Elizabeth's hand to touch Robin's picture. With a whispered apology, he drops his hand, reclaiming Elizabeth's before turning away from the picture. He says sorry to Patrick, though he doesn't respond, before allowing Elizabeth to guide him out of the church.

"Jason..." Carly tries again as they pass by her, but he doesn't look at her, he doesn't speak.

Jason just continues on his way out the door, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep himself together for much longer if he stayed there to speak to her. Yes, he's grateful she made her way to him, to tell him the truth, but he also knows her reasons weren't completely pure. Its Carly after all.

"Hey." Elizabeth pulls him out of his thoughts as she makes her way down the stairs of her home, having put her boys down for their nap. "You okay?"

"Ask me again tonight." he uses her words, the pain gripping him tightly, the guilt swallowing him in.

"Oh, Jason." she sighs, walking over to wrap her arms around him, seeing the pain so vibrant in his eyes. "Its gonna be okay...we'll be okay. I don't know how long it'll take, but we will be okay."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because its us we're talking about." she says with confidence, smiling slightly when he pulls away to look at her. "We're survivors."

"Yeah." he whispers, staring into her eyes. "I guess we are."

Without thinking, he closes the distance between them, claiming her lips with his as he holds her close this body. Elizabeth was completely shocked at first, having him kissing her like this, but soon she finds herself giving into it. Closing her eyes she allows him to deepen the kiss, grasping onto each other for a moment, just allowing themselves to feel something other than the hurt.

"Jason..." she finally says when she has the strength to pull away from him. "...we shouldn't. I'm...I'm with Ewen. This isn't right."

"I know." he sighs, laying his head against hers, his eyes still closed. "I'm sorry...I just...I was lost in the moment...it won't happen again."

"Jason..." she tries to apologize as he pulls away, but he simply shakes his head.

"I'm gonna get started on dinner." Jason says simply as he takes a few more steps away from her. "Its the least I can do since I'm staying here."

Dropping onto the couch as he walks into the kitchen, Elizabeth runs her fingers through her hair, unable to believe that she had just kissed him. That he kissed her. And, more importantly, that she stopped him from going any further. How did she come to this point in her life again? With someone, but wanting Jason. Gently touching her lips, the sense of his lips on hers still lingering, she lets out deep sigh. It always comes down to timing and, as usual, theirs really suck.


End file.
